Published April 10, 2020 "How are you doing right now?" That's the question I've been defaulting to on the phone, over text, and over Zoom chats during this time of ballooning,. For me, laundry is a good excuse, because you can make it seems as small or as big as youd like. I loathe this question, and Ive been getting it a lot lately. Or, if I tell a potential date some generic things (oh, probably reading and writing a lot) and add that Id like to take a break so they know Im open, Im engaging in the same coy behavior thats bothering me in the first place. I also trained myself to say, Oh just marathoning *show I like* or I picked up a new book and cant wait to dive in! which they translate to doing a thing. (I suppose they thought that before I responded that way. Funnily enough, my co-workers are also doing laundry. I think part of it, too, is that I have mental health issues and physical issues so sometimes the questions make me feel pressured to have a good weekend. Ok. ( This simple expression embodies the fact that you don't give a f*ck!) Nothing much. (To the point where one of my coworkers will sometimes ask What are you doing this weekend? For the record, I will totally cat-sit for you. You can try to head it off by always responding with some activity youre doing that could theoretically make you busy if it turns out you need to be busy But frankly if someone is trying to manipulate you then you have a manipulative person problem, not a specific question problem. And when things are something that I consider a family obligation, I make it clear (I need you tocan you? I want to put a claim on your time for X, will that work? etc.) How about you? Born and bred in southern California, how are you? asked of/by a stranger functions, for me, like any scripted greeting, pretty comparable to an all right with or without the interrogative in that a detailed (or even particularly honest) response is not expected and in many cases wont be acknowledged because it wont be heard (because no one is listening for it). It feels like a lot of just Use Your Words advice is setting people up for a shock when they realize that their coworkers or acquaintances are offput by it. That would feel like a very odd response if I were making small-talk with the question. All of these situation have the same question in them, but they are not remotely all one situation. (My brother and sister in particular also had to learn from both their friends and myself that, just because they love me and love them doesnt mean that were all friends) I could only imagine if that question were followed by an expectation of service or freedom to assume I was going to a thing. Boy, do I need it. I dont spend a lot of time imagining what youre doing over the weekend. a s h l e y. Funny Responses To How Are You Save Image: Shutterstock Somewhere between better and best. However, there are a lot of male people who use this approach on female people because they are trying to be coercive. "Continue breathing." BTW, the most usual response to that last exchange is, "Works for me!" Depending upon the sophistication of the inquisitor, the final line may be "Continued respiration." Sponsored by Interview Success Formula Job interview secrets revealed. OK, you want to ASK if hell help you w/ your home maintenance, fine, but these are not HIS chores anymore. There is a normal-question-asking prosody, where the words get successively higher in pitch. This will not go away. 30+ funny good morning memes to send to your family and friends Thats a great answer! Hidden Siri Commands and Unusual Responses | TechSpot Just how I like it :). Reply with 'Hey' Back. Question bugs me too, so I figured out some noncommittal answers that hit the tennis ball back into the askers court where it belongs. 1. Something like this happens every single time. (Right Now): What are you doing sometimes means at the very present in which activity are you involved in? Ive been known to do that to friends, since Im one of those people who freaks out when I hit the wrong key and the computer does something unexpected. Sometimes its totally innocuous, as LW said. I have close friends that Ive been upfront with and say Im totally a hermit, but I do like to be invited to events and will make them sporadically. I do have friends who have trouble planning things for various reasons and often say things like I miss you or We should hang out more without doing anything to make it happen. (Like, Im the kind of introvert who is good with people but I know a few who are just exhausting and who drain my battery super quickly), Could you have a conversation with her about, Were gonna have to schedule when all of our kids are walking to school. So, I have learned its a lot easier if I answer I might be working that weekend (which has the benefit of being true, I do work most weekends) and then find out what she wants to do and decide if I want to go. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. Our relationship got better when I moved out. A little of this, a little of that. How to Respond to a WYD Text - Sweety High But they seemed concerned that this type of answer was not appropriate or that there might be a better strategy. It can still get extremely wearing through, and I do wish people would think more about when this conversation is appropriate and when Im maybe not up for answering a litany of questions that literally every stranger asks me (ie when Im obviously exhausted and struggling with four bags of groceries that I have to cart away on foot). Answer with small truths. LW, I forgot the part where you said some of this is coming from people youre chatting to on dating websites, and you feel like its an attempt to get you to plan the date. Five Questions You Can Ask Instead Of 'How Are You?' - Forbes Ive now got a standard policy of dont know, Ill have to check my calendar and get back to you. My response to that is usually a sassy Depends, why?. Its just one of the normal options. Im lucky because any plans for the weekend? questions are just small talk (i.e. To them I am this exotic other they feel entitled to treat in a certain way because their goodness and its expression is more important than my real and complex experience as a human being. And sometimes the answer is well but if they respond that way theyre not your friends anyway, but we interact with a lot of people who are not our friends but who are important to our lives (coworkers, for example, or in-laws) and yet who can levy that cost. There was definitely conflict where trying to balance and figure out fairness, safety, and compassion were difficult and sometimes heated. k. Yes, I think theres a fairly clear difference between people who ask as small talk (for example, when youre both waiting for the microwave in the staffroom, or waiting at the bus stop after work) and when its done how LW specifies. Culture or not, Im very sympathetic to people who have a hard time saying no, since that used to be me. The first time I posted a little comment showed up saying that my comment was pending mod review since it was my first comment but I dont see one of those now. Theyre private and you dont need to know them. When she asks me what Im doing on a particular day, I just say Im not sure or I need to check my calendar until she tells me what she wants. After decades of various sorts of problem behavior from my father, I literally hit a brick wall of having had enough, and weve been done ever since. What are you doing for dinner? Then I can pin them down on what, and when, without having pre-committed myself to some favor they were hinting at sideways. 04 Mar 2023 17:27:26 3.If LW does not want to do the babysitting or isnt available for it on weekends, that should be a separate conversation with those people and maybe set of boundaries to discuss with them. It gives them nothing, and forces them to divulge their plans. what about this would a person take personally???? Try repeating Fine, thanks. Its real. My nightmare would be something like this: Them: My 6 year old daughter and her class are putting together a full rundown of the classic opera La Traviata in the original Italian and itll end at 11PM on a weekday. I moved out from my parents when I was 25. Why not? This is OT, but if someone would like to explain how its supposed to work in the US, Id appreciate it. Thanks! To read all future answers to your comment, please bookmark this page. How much stuff is there? My introvert self doesnt like last-minute extroverting.). Id be open to a one-on-one hangout but just out of energy for any group thing, if thats why youre asking laundryall the laundry. Situation #4: You have to say "no.". Nothing too exciting, Ive got a bunch of things on my to-do list. - Anthony Burgess - Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week. I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much. For me, it makes saying no so much harder. This particular response though, is one of my favorite comments ever. Its essentially part of, or an alternative to, hello. Her example story of failing to ride herd on rude white people sufficiently involved being at some luncheon or other with a couple of her grad students from India. 200 Sarcastic Quotes 1. And LW is already handling the situation in the best possible way by giving noncommittal answers. Covid-19 lockdown: what to say when asked what you did last night They dont ask if you want to do the thing and then you are able to tell them (and if you were busy, youd probably mention that when declining). After some reflection, my normal version of this (me asking) is You free this weekend? (Id definitely use this for the likely-to-request-babysitting sister, for the recordany time youre asking someone a favor, you lead with that, you dont try to trap them into it!). Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." It avoids (in their mind) making the person feel pressured to commit if they dont actually want to. I think the idea is that someone who thinks no is hard will get the direct request and start cancelling plans, because no one would actually directly ask for babysitting unless this was the most important event of their lives. 1. Rather than rushing to respond, taking the time to understand what they mean can improve the quality of your response. That's it, nothing extra. My go-to script for these (which I HATE) is an equally noncommittal, Why, whats up? Im not saying I do or dont have plans, but Im going to figure out why theyre asking me the question. My cousins with kids are trying to push their 8-12 year olds on me to tutor them and Im like 1. Copyright 2011 thru 2023 Jennifer Peepas, all rights reserved. Im trying to train her out of the habit. Why do you ask, why, is something happening, and why, whats up are different answers that extend the convo while not telling porkies. LW, if it makes you feel any better, when many people ask this question, they arent doing it to trap you into something (though some are, of course). (And if you are Susie, forget about it!). Yes, I know that is an inappropriate way to react. Him: Nothing fun? A simple, 'We hope you're doing well' will suffice," a Deadline editor tweeted. Or something. interactions that I think stand a significant chance of blowing up in peoples faces. Ill have to check with E and let you know is super convenient. Source: Facebook. Most of them, anyway. Its an opener, like Hot enough for you? Or How about that sportsquad at the sportsmatch? The content of your answer is secondary to the dynamic of conversation. Im self employed so I can realistically be working at any time and date. Give small truths. Oh my god I have to go to (thing) which is (plaaaaace). That said, I tend to think the person asked, they can damn well deal with the answer. (huge smile) I told you that this is our private time and we will not be walking with you! Its harder to say if someone doesnt do their fair share of emotional labor, or figuring out their fair share of chores if theyre not physically or mentally able to do the same amount as you. Neighbor! Yes, people use this question for all kinds of reasons, as LW said. If youve never read, The Gift of Fear, the critical point is that niggling things like exactly this are the warnings that can save your life and that there is literally no better metric than that the situation is giving you that reaction, no matter how small or how you try to dismiss it.
Map Of King Edward Vii Hospital Windsor,
Chlorfluazuron Vs Fipronil,
Aronimink Country Club Membership Cost,
Mark Miller Sawyer Brown Family,
Articles F
